Arcade Attack –
That’s an absolute bloody lie –
Few people know this but Adrian is actually an acronym, short for Advanced Receptive/Interactive Android. He spends 21 hours a day in sleep mode downloading relevant retro gaming data, before we unplug him each evening to create Arcade Attack content. Efforts to purge the Atari Jaguar and Zool from his memory banks have thus far proven unsuccessful.
Simon Nordqvist had a promising life ahead of him. A former amateur skiing champion with a charming fiance and a position as IKEA’s youngest ever merchandising manager, it was on a work trip to Croydon where Dylan’s thugs grabbed him off the street, bundled him into a van, brainwahsed him, implanted false memories and gave him extensive plastic surgery. Life before 2015 is a bit hazy for Keith, but he knows two things for sure: He loves Arcade Attack and wants it to prosper, and turning against his best friend Dylan would cause him unimaginable physical pain. But why, when he looks at old photos of himself, does he appear to be three or four inches taller?
People often ask why Rob is barely in any photos and has no social media profile. The answer is simple: Rob is a chimpanzee who has been granted the power of semi-intelligent thought through the use of psychotropic drugs and experimental virtual reality programs. Technology is not yet advanced enough to create a voice box that doesn’t make him sound excitable, high-pitched and quick to anger, but we’re hoping to do something with the human suit soon.
James is actually Keith – the original Keith. Having forged a career as an international smuggler, he heard about the podcast through whispers in back alleys, on the furtherest reaches of the dark web, or possibly on Twitter. That’s not important. What is important is that he’s tracked Dylan down and after a Face Off operation (yes they’re real, and accessible in several Southeast Asian countries), managed to finagle his way on to Arcade Attack through knowledge of an arcane console called the Master System. Now, it’s just a matter of waiting. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.